About Dreams of Exes, and the Meaning of a Former Partner in a Dream
A dream about an ex should be interpreted symbolically rather than literally. Learn more about the ever-common ex dream symbol and ex dream interpretations.
The dream ex typically stands for a situation or a time period that the dreamer associates with the ex in the dream. Careful analysis of the ex as a symbol, waking life associations with the ex, and feelings the ex dream evokes yields accurate interpretation of the ex dream
Ex Dreams as Mirrors of Waking Life
If waking life has dealt the dreamer a break-up blow, then it’s obviously likely that the dream really is a mirror of waking life. Sometimes an ex dream is quite pleasant, with the dreamer enjoying the "company" of the former girlfriend, former boyfriend, ex-husband or ex-wife. Sometimes ex dreams are nightmarish nocturnal rehash of the pain, anger, and heartbreak of waking life.
Emotions always run high during and after a break-up, with many people left feeling that a part of the self has actually gone missing. Whether pleasant or painful, break-up dreams are one way the psyche heals itself. Comfortable dreams about a former partner can satisfy waking life wishes unlikely to manifest. Uncomfortable ex dreams help discharge waking life pain that may be overwhelming the dreamer.
Dreaming About an Ex as Wish Fulfillment
Too many times dreamers involved in break-ups get their hopes up when their ex dreams are filled with joyful imagery and feelings. Almost all over-the-top happy ex dreams occurring near a break-up are wish fulfillment dreams.
Wish fulfillment dreams are those dreams wherein the psyche attempts to compensate for unfulfilled waking life desires. Approaching a ex from a neutral point of view is especially important during a recent break-up so the dreamer does not unwittingly prolong pain with unrealistic expectations.
Interpreting a Dream Ex Symbolically
People often associate an ex with that ex’s career. They often report that their former partner was a mechanic, therapist, farmer, doctor, skydiver, etc. One way to interpret a dream symbolically is to amplify the ex’s career as a dream symbol.
A bad or finished relationship doesn’t preclude the person appearing as a positive symbol. For example, if the ex was a farmer, she could actually symbolize growth and the careful cultivation of something healthier than the relationship was. An ex who was a doctor could symbolize healing. A former partner who was a mechanicmight mean the dreamer feels something needs fixing.
The Importance of Situations, Circumstances and Surroundings in Ex Dreams
Exes are also remembered via the situations, circumstances and surroundings shared during waking life. Dreams use the past to communicate about the present. A dream ex might actually be a stand in for past situation that feels like a present event.
The dreamer should see if other dream symbols point to a specific time in the relationship as that will help pinpoint to what past time point the psyche is referring. If there is a specific circumstance the dreamer automatically associates with his ex, he will want to take a close look at his life for past parallels.
Similarly, a dream about an ex can also be an expression for present emotions. Again, these emotions need not be painful. However, if the dream does elicit unpleasant emotions, the dreamer should see if there is a parallel to a present waking life relationship. Patterns, most especially relationship patterns, are often repeated. Even negative patterns are lived out again and again. The dreamer is advised to look very carefully to see if she is living out a life she doesn’t truly desire.
Interpreting the Feelings an Ex Dream Elicits
Sometimes a dream about an ex leaves the one with an odd sense of calm and peace. Even when the dreamer hasn’t communicated with or thought of an ex for years, he may dream of her and be left usually content in the morning. Even the exes with whom the dreamer had terrible relations with can manage to conjure congenial dream feelings.
Pleasant ex dreams can indicate something as simple as finally gaining closure. However, a deeper meaning of the peaceful dream is reclamation of the self and more self-integration since the ex may symbolize the anima/animus archetype. The anima is the female part of the male psyche; the animus is the male part of the female psyche. A pleasant ex dream can mean that the dreamer has assimilated that which she had previously kept at bay.
Similarly, the ex-partner might stand in for an attribute or talent unacknowledged, suppressed, or forgotten. A dream of cuddling up to that writer ex-boyfriend might mean that dreamer has reclaimed or is developing the very gift that the ex symbolizes.
While a dream about an ex can feature a former partner that symbolizes him/herself, this is unlikely unless unless the dreamer is going through or has recently suffered a break-up. The former partner is usually a symbolic dream image rather than literal representation. As tempting as if may be to interpret a dream about an ex literally, the symbolic route is usually the best starting point.
Sources:
The Portable Jung by C. G. Jung
Flight of the Wild Gander: Explorations in the Mythological Dimension: Select Essays, 1944-1968 by Joseph Campbell
The Mythic Dimension: Selected Essays 1959-1987 by Joseph Campbell
Mysterium Coniunctionis: An Inquiry into the Separation and Synthesis of Psychic Opposites in Alchemy by C. G. Jung
Psychology and Alchemy (Collected Works of C.G. Jung Vol.12) by C. G. Jung
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