Break Up - Obsessive Ex Syndrome

After the Break-Up: When Not Letting Go Turns into Emotional Abuse

Obsessive Ex Can Bring Emotional Trauma -Morguefile.com

Some people are unable to mentally let go of a partner after a break-up. Stalking, calling, harassing, and sometimes threatening can take an emotiona

l toll on the victim

There are thousands of people who have stories to share about how their partner couldn't accept their relationship dissolving. Common complaints point at being followed, non-stop phone calls, text messages and in some extreme cases, threats of violence. The partner who can not let go can be categorized as suffering from "obsessive ex syndrome." Even though the origin of this term is not known, this syndrome is rampant.

Stages of Spousal Obsession

There are four stages of obsession, as follows:

Stage One: The groundwork is laid out for becoming obsessive during the relationship. The obsessive individual establishes their partner as a main symbol of who they are. Control issues erupt during the relationship and become a constant source of grief for the victim. Anne Woudstra, a social worker who has worked in this field, says that usually those who are the recipients of “heavy-duty” emotional abuse during a relationship may very well be those who end up with an obsessive ex.

Stage Two: When the emotionally abused partner decides enough is enough and wants to end the relationship, the "obsessor" will not accept this because he or she has lost control. They beg for another chance, cry, make promises to change or use any other tactic to convince their partner to change their mind. If the break-up occurs, the begging may intensify, or if the individual feels they're up against a wall, they'll toss out threats. False accusations may come out, attempts to turn children against the parent who decided on the break up also happens and turns into Parental Alienation Syndrome.

Stage Three: The obsessive ex tries to keep contacting their former partner via phone, texting, emails or through social media. Stalking takes the form of watching, following, spying and even constant monitoring of the former partners social media accounts.

Stage Four: This is when the obsessive ex becomes enraged and tries to threaten or intimidate the former partner to come back. Sometimes the threats are used against children to try to gain control. Threats can include anything from spreading false rumors through social media to actual threats of violence.

Why Does Obsessing over a Partner Occur?

There are primarily two forms of obsession. Revenge obsession is when the obsessive ex wants the partner who left to be punished for the pain the obsessive ex experiences. The obsessive ex may not feel love anymore, but the obsession is focused purely at making the other person's life miserable.

Attachment obsession is when the ex will stop at almost nothing to get their partner back. They want to recover the relationship and have things the way it used to be. In some cases, the ex may understand that things can't be the way there were, but they want some form of connection retained in order to feel they still have some control.

According to Anne Woudstra, MSW., she says that there are some individuals who exhibit both of these characteristics. The obsessive ex wants the relationship back but also wants their former partner punished for what happened.

Victims Need Help

If there is a person who feels they are a victim of an ex obsessor, do not take this lightly. Call a domestic abuse hotline to get information on how to seek protection.

In the United States: National Domestic Violence Abuse Hotline 1-800-799-7233

In Canada: Assaulted Women's Hotline 1-866-863-0511

Men, unfortunately, will find there are virtually no resources available to them when a woman is the obsessive ex. In Canada, call The Family of Men Support Society at 403-242-4077. In the United States, call The Domestic Abuse Hotline for Men at 1-877-643-1120.