Wednesday, July 06, 2011

Break Up - Life After Love: A self-healing process...




So, you've found out that Mr. or Miss Right isn't the soul mate you've always dreamed about. Now what? 


The period of loss and pain doesn't have to extend on to an eternity of what ifs. After spending a few days wallowing in self-pity, you'll probably want to start making a few steps towards life after love. To help ease this transition, try a few of the following ideas.


Keep a daily journal.
Letting loose on your emotions is a quick and self-healing way to recover from incidents of loss and pain. This is especially true of keeping a journal. Make a commitment to write for at least a few minutes every day.

Learn at least one new thing a day.
Keep your mind busy with new information. Whether you decide to learn a new word or how to do something new on your computer, it will help you keep moving forward instead of looking back.

Take a daily walk.
Get yourself out and about with a 20 to 30 minute walk. Just the constant, repetitive motion of moving your legs one after another is enough to help you put things in perspective.

Go out with yourself.
Just because you are not attached to someone doesn't mean you can't enjoy going out. Think of it as a chance to go to all the places you've always wanted to go.

Develop a hobby.
Maybe there is something you've always wanted to learn how to do. Now is the perfect opportunity to develop it! Try anything from bicycling, joining a walking club, sewing, bodyboarding or surfing, learning how to watercolor, or cooking.













11 Tips For Getting Over Your Ex:

Get Over Your Ex
Universal Pictures
  • What You Need To Know
  • This is one of the few times you can get away with bad-mouthing your ex.
  • Look at the bright side: You have more time to hang out with your buddies.
  • Go ahead -- sleep with another woman (it'll make you feel better).
"
First things first: Stop acting like your ex was God's gift to men. 
                                      ...She wasn't perfect.

Getting over your ex is one of the great dilemmas of manhood. It’s rarely a quick and easy process, and it’s often complicated by all the things that the two of you still have in common, like friends, favorite hangouts and even living quarters. Maybe the most frustrating thing about the whole process is that even if ending the relationship was the right thing to do -- even if she cheated on you -- it can still be hard to bury all those memories and move on with your life.  
Here at AskMen, we’re in the business of getting you back in the game, so we’ve put together a list of the 11 tips for getting over your ex. Follow this program from start to finish, and you’ll be back to your old self in no time. 

1- Take Her Off That Pedestal

First things first: Stop acting like your ex was God’s gift to men. She wasn’t perfect. If we’re being honest, she probably wasn’t even close. Make a list of her annoying traits. Let your buddies bad-mouth her. Do whatever you have to do -- just take her off that pedestal.

2- Get Closure

Step two for getting over your ex: get closure. If you’re going to end this thing, end it. Make sure you’re both on the same page. This is a breakup, not a “break.” The two of you are moving on, which means potentially seeing other people. If you feel the need to do a relationship postmortem, do it now. You won’t be seeing her again for a while.

3- Don't Contact Her

This may be the most important of our 11 tips for getting over your ex. After you’ve gotten closer, don’t contact her. Go cold turkey. Seriously. Maybe you said some crap about trying to stay friends, maybe you made some idiot vow to “always be there for each other,” but forget it. By staying in touch with old flames, you’re asking for months (if not years) of on-again-off-again uncertainty. So, throw out her phone number, stop texting her and unfriend her on Facebook. Imagine how freaked out you'll be the first time you see some strange dude in her profile picture, and you'll see why a clean break is essential.

4- Work Out

Without a girlfriend gobbling up hours out of every day, you may be wondering what to do with yourself. Now that you’re single, we suggest hitting the gym or taking a jog. It’s a healthy way to work out all of that post-breakup frustration. Getting in shape is also a good way to boost your self-esteem. And don’t forget: The gym is a great place to meet women (plenty of reasons why working out makes our list of 11 tips for getting over your ex).

5- Avoid Her Friends And The Places She Hangs

If you want to avoid the temptations that come with bumping into an ex, you might have to make some sacrifices. You might have to cut ties with some of your mutual friends. You might have to avoid some of your favorite haunts (because they’re her favorite haunts, too). Trust us, it’s a small price to pay for peace of mind.

We have 6 more tips on how to get over an ex next...

Forget about all that stuff you left at her place. Consider it gone.



6- Throw Away Anything That Reminds You Of Her

That dopey-looking teddy bear she gave you for your birthday, the sappy love letters she wrote, the adorable pictures of the two of you -- chuck ’em. Throw it all away. The sooner you get all that junk out of your house the sooner you’ll get over her. 

And before you ask, yes, it’s fine to keep items that don't evoke any emotional connections. If she bought you a copy of Call of Duty 2, keep it. But clothes, jewelry, keepsakes, and the like should be ditched. 

7- Don't Try To Get Your Stuff Back

By the same token, you don’t want to try to get your stuff back. You can’t have a relationship relapse if you don’t allow yourself to see your ex. Forget about all that stuff you left at her place. Consider it gone. The $50 you’re going to have to spend to replace a few DVDs is a small price to pay to avoid an ex-girlfriend who could be either desperately needy or irrationally angry.

8- Hang Out With Your Friends

One of the things you had to sacrifice when in a committed relationship was time with your friends. Girlfriends are notorious time-bandits, always greedy for more and more of your attention. But now that you’re single, you can reconnect with the buds you left behind. Not only will it be fun, but it will also be therapeutic because hanging out with your friends is one of the most rewarding of our 11 tips for getting over your ex.

9- Exercise Your Newfound Freedom

Relationships are about compromise. Being single should be about doing whatever the hell you want. Look, you’ve ditched the ball and chain. You’re free. So stay out until four in the morning, hop on a plane to Vegas with your brother, or just sit on your ass and watch basketball all day. Taking pleasure in all of those things that you couldn’t do as a boyfriend is a great way to get over your ex.

10- Remember The Bad Times

It’s pretty common for guys to idealize their significant others after a breakup. You’ll just be going about your business, and then, suddenly, you’ll remember an inside joke or a great date. Then you’ll grin, thinking about a cute personality quirk she had, and before long, you’re fantasizing about how great your sex life used to be.
 
Snap out of it. One of the most important of our 11 tips for getting over your ex is to remember the bad times. Focus on the fights and the problems. Recollect her bad habits and shady behavior. It’s like taking a cold shower. 

11- Sleep With Another Girl

The most foolproof method for getting over your ex is to sleep with another girl. It’s the fastest and most efficient way to get an ex-girlfriend out of your system. One of the reasons we equivocate about leaving an ex behind is because -- no matter how confident we are -- we worry we won’t find someone new. That’s what sends us crawling back to our familiar, comfy, dysfunctional exes time and time again. Finding a new love interest, even for one night, is the best method of countering all those self-defeating thoughts.

Bonus: Make Sure Your Next Girlfriend Is An Upgrade

One last thing you want to be certain of is that your love life is moving in the right direction. If your rebound girlfriend is a train wreck, you could end up moving backward and reconnecting with your ex, only to waste another year or two of your life on a relationship that’s doomed to fail. So be sure that your next girlfriend is an upgrade.

Banish Her From Your Mind

If you follow these 11 tips for getting over your ex, we’re certain you’ll be back in the saddle in no time. It’s never easy, but with a solid plan and a lot of willpower, you can forget the past and focus on your future.




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