Break Up - Salvaging A Lost Cause: Is there any hope of reconciliation?

I sit any constantly adk, "Is there any hope of reconciliation?"      

You are on the verge of breaking up, but you know you both still really love each other. While there is not much hope left of salvaging the relationship, you sometimes find yourself thinking about how much you would like to start again. The trouble is you have no idea how to start, or even if it is possible.

If the above scenario sounds familiar, then how did it go so wrong? By now you know that there is a lot of resentment between you, but how did you both let it get so far? Everyone makes mistakes and has done things that they regret. The problem is that once you start making mistakes and doing things wrong, the natural inclination is to cover your tracks.

Dishonesty and lies lead to feelings of guilt and resentment. Feelings of guilt and resentment lead to more lies and arguments. Once you start to get sucked in, this vicious circle kicks in and the lies and arguments start to build on each other. Pretty soon you start justifying your actions. How? By blaming your partner: they don't understand you, they are too snippy and argumentative, and they don't love you anymore. When this happens on both sides of the relationship, you are on a fast track to a breakup or divorce.

In order to turn this around, it is going to take a lot of soul-searching and communication. You have to rebuild the trust between the two of you and let your partner know without a doubt that you love them and are willing to take responsibility for your actions. Even if the relationship cannot be completely salvaged, you will at least make the breakup easier on both of you.

The first thing to do is to realize that there was a time when you really loved each other. Think back to how you felt when you first met or first realized that you had romantic feelings for your partner. Try to go back and actually re-experience those feelings. How your heart skipped a beat whenever you saw them or even thought of them. Think of some of the really good times you had together, when you were happy. Realize that at one stage there really was something special between the two of you and it is at least worth trying to salvage the relationship.

Next, really take a look at all the things you did wrong. Don't fall into the trap of blaming your partner for everything, you played a big part in it too, and at this stage you really need to concentrate only on your actions. It would be a great idea to get a sheet of paper and right everything down. The point of this excercise is to release some of the guilt and resentment you feel towards your partner. In order for it to work, you have to come clean - at least to yourself!

Thirdly, write a letter to your love. Explain to them that you are really sorry about the way things turned out and that you realize that you have had a huge part to play in the fact that the relationship turned sour. Talk about how you felt when you first fell in love and remind them of all the great things that have happened to you while you have been together. In order for them to trust your sincerity, however, you are probably going to have to tell them some of the things you have done that you are ashamed of. The important thing is to take responsibility for your actions, let your partner know how how you feel about them and make sure you tell them that you would really like the chance to make it up to them. Invite them on a special date, for just the two of you, so you can sit down together and clear the air, and at the very least, part as friends.

Once you have completed the above, it is really up to the two of you to sit down and discuss things to see if you have a future together. Don't try to rush things, as trust can take time to build again. But, if you at least come clean about how you feel and make an appeal to your partner's heart, you have a better chance of making it than if you didn't.